diary of an Insomniac !!

Nothingness

2010-03-31T22:46:00.000+05:30

There's nothing i can think of to write about today yet i'm writing! Maybe because i have the will and where there's a will, there are many ways to bore readers.

Starting with the talk of the town - no, its not about me - its the 20-20 cricket series giving a miss of about 20+20 episodes of women's favourite soap operas! Eventhough i still love playing but I don't like watching cricket matches. If I was really interested i would have bought a TV. Instead i played a fantasy game of making my own team. I bet players involved in this entertainment festival can't hurt spectators' expectations by playing their boring natural game. So thus i lost miserably in the fantasy game!

8 Random facts bout me

2010-01-23T18:25:00.004+05:30

1) i never sleep on my back, it could be any other orientation possible.

2) i don't feel comfortble while eating with a spoon.

3) i can't avoid uttering abuses while driving.

4) i want to quit smoking forever.

5) all the time i worry about the economic and social situation of my country as it will affect my comforts finally.

6) i suspect all the people around me are secret agents of one or other mafia gang and i keep studying each person to unearth the unknown mystery!
In fact i stare at women too for the same purpose and they misunderstand all the time.

7) i hate wearing any kind of make up.

8) i hate to confine myself in any closed place with nobody watching because then they imagine that i must be masterbating!

Caught smooching in public place

2010-01-04T19:31:00.005+05:30

"We sacrifice our lives at the border for you civilians and you don't follow the laws of the country", told an army person to me in harsh tone filled with patriotic emotions.

The tower clock of the small town was showing 9. I was out on a deserted road to get a cigarette as i had exhausted my stock of cigarettes. The lonely walk through the icy air seemed to be taking hours eventhough the pan shop was just 10 minutes away. And i made it just before the shop was shut down.

So thats it. I wish i had walked slowly to find the shop closed. I was shocked and embarassed when i got the lecture on my sin of smoking in public place. But deep down i felt honored for my recognition as one of very few exemplary citizens who must obey each and every law firmly to inspire common people. So what if its usual to find people smoking around pan shops ? Being distinguished from those and knowing the high opinion about myself gave me much better kick than the snatched cigarette could have given me.

Silent screams

2010-01-03T13:01:00.001+05:30

Heartbeats were taking the inner route to reach my ear and i was feeling the danger breathlessly even before it could escape my heart ! I can't, i just can't climb down, silent screams had filled my mind and soul but i was helpless at a great height with almost straight stairs.

And suddenly i felt a tingling sensation between my legs. That's it, i'm right here in my bed, at some 2 feet height from the floor, its 8 in the morning and above all i need to pee badly !

So its a smooth landing on the grounds of reality, i'll make and serve tea and that too for only me ! Off white ! The image of a cute little girl exclaiming in a tv commercial came to my mind as i noticed the effect of smoking on my teeth. Anyway, it can't help me to quit smoking as i don't look in the mirror more than once or twice a day !

It takes about an hour to finish tea and bath on weekdays but on a sunday clock slows down as the upcoming minutes have no job assigned to them.

Its good actually to have no task at hand all the time eventhough i am still struggling to make myself free from thinking bout the future. 'Living in the moment' has been a dream, maybe i should make it my new year resolution !

Passed through the memory filter

2009-12-31T18:03:00.000+05:30

2010 is beginning in about 6 hours from now and i'm getting emotional saying goodbye forever to 2009. So here i'll attempt to recall the days that have now settled inside my memory cells after passing through a memorable events filter.

I lost 27000 Rs. in one day, gained 17000 Rs. in one day, said "yes" to marry a girl and then denied when she also agreed, got back to 10 cigarettes per day before completing my treatment for chest infection, bought a gas cylinder in my own name and started to plan cooking (plans are to be executed in 2010) at my residence, was told to get out of office for denying orders - all these are memorable, some painfully though, in the sense that i can recall them now.

And then there are some minor incidences that qualified to pass the memory filter. The usual scolding from dad with an explicit question that whether i'm a man or not, working in the office till 11 pm where most of the staff don't have work during stipulated duty hours, attending yuva unstoppable events, getting back my scooter from traffic staff on a sunday night at 9 and on another sunday afternoon watching it carried away while standing just 30 feet away !

Although it can't be termed as one event, but my increased interest in blogging helped me awaken my dormant mind during the year. i realised the power of unity when i was banned from participating in a community of a social networking site. The all day long online accusations and my defending arguments will remain in the memories of many of the participants as the most interesting trial of their life.

I see it as a year of revealation of contradictions that have been driving my life aimlessly for past few years. I stopped thinking about studying completely but learned to stay relaxed even after not doing a single fruitful activity whole day.
Hopefully the upcoming days will provide me a chance to learn more and make my progress visible this time !

Complementing the missed heart beats !

2009-12-28T22:22:00.001+05:30

Oh shit ! My heart skipped a bit as the engine stopped suddenly. I was stuck amidst a jungle of cars, bikes and buses for about half an hour. Just one or two hundred meters to go and i'll be out of this mess, i was thinking moments before my scooter's engine went silent. Luckily it was ok, it roared again and the excitement complemented the missed heart bit.

Maybe the chilly winds hitting my body iced my mind and i kept driving thoughtlessly to find myself in a heavy traffic jam !
A new experience to write on my blog - i was thinking while heading home after getting out of the jammed road !

Affair kaise kare ? - advice from a Software Engineer

2009-12-24T16:26:00.000+05:30

September 2009

me: hey gd mrng
Rati: hi gm kaise ho?
me: ok ok. gf nai mili ab tak :(
3 saal se khule saand ki tarah ghum raha hu lol
Rati: love aaj kal lol
me: bt thts true for me. i hv been living alone away frm parents for past 3 yrs bt still m single :(
Rati: hmm.. mujhe pata hai :(
me: to kya karu ?
Rati: faadi
me: faadi kif fe par :D
Rati: kifi bhi ladki fe
me: wo to hai, end me kifi bhi fe kar lunga bt try to kare achhi ke liye :P
Rati: to karo naaaaaa
me: where to start ? i hv no group no acquaintances :D
Rati: to banao na ab
me: no experience :(
raaste pe chalti ladki se kaise baat kare ? office me to sirf budhau hai. aur kahin aana jaana nahi
Rati: wo tumhari old gf thi uska kya hua?
me: koi nahi thi
Rati: aur bola ki baad me detail story bataunga
me: okk. wo love story nahi thi, wo office story thi
Rati: acha to ? kaha hai wo ab ? she got married kya/
me: :D
Rati: tum nahi karte usse chat ?
me: ek baar try ki thi
Rati: so..
me: maine scrap likha tha
Rati: k..
me: "sunti ho"
Rati: lol
me: bhadak gayi
Rati: to..
me: lol
Rati: :D obviously
me: fir ek baar bada jhagda hua tha
Rati: .......
me: wo lumbi story hai :P
Rati: batao na
me: kya ?
Rati: story yaar
me: yaar :( nahi kahungi :P
Rati: kahungi ?? :-/
me: oopss PJ chat room me prakruti ki chat chal rahi hai na ;)
dekho jao. interesting :P
Rati: tum hi ho prakruti, tell me the truth plz
me: main apne muh se nahi kahunga bt u r a smart gal :)
Rati: hmm..thank god u accepted :)
me: whn did i accept :P prove frm our chat lol uske kaafi ladke deewane hai
Rati: wo tum hi ho
me: dont break their heart plz ;)
Rati: i cn bet nythng. mai kisiko kuch batane wali nahi hu
me: muaah thts a gud gal :)
Rati: lol par tumne mujhe pehle Q nahi bataya ?
me: bataya tha i think :(
Rati: nahi, tumne sindbad k baare me bataya tha
me: okk anywy un dono ka chhodo mera kya hoga lets come back to reality :)
Rati: hmm
me: tum batao kisi anjaan ladki se kaise dosti kare
Rati: time pooch, ya kuch bhi. aisehi
me: ok kuchh bhi :D
Rati: par agar ladki interested ho to hi
me: fir aage ?
Rati: to aisehi baate karo yaha waha ki
me: ok if she's responding bt if not thn i lose my mind :(
thts a big problem. tumhari story batao to hw did u make bf. starting se
Rati: mera kaha hai bf ? :P
wait a min. batati hu, ruko jara. call aa raha hai
me: time to log mujse poochte rehte hai sale. ladki ne nai puchha aaj tak :(
aur badi prob ye hai ki main almost always fans se ghira rehta hu to conscious bhi ho jaata hu :(
Rati: fans ?
wait call

14 minutes later

me: kitna call karegi ??
Rati: haan bolo
me: kya bolu ? teacher tum ho. aage lesson padhao
Rati: hmm...
me: affair kaise kare :P
Rati: hmmm....
me: ek kaam kare. hum dono ek drama khelte hai
Rati: tum seriously kisi me interested ho??
k...
me: samjo tum anjaan ladki ho
Rati: fine
me: raaste pe khadi ho
Rati: k..
me: i ll try to talk to u
Rati: but ths isnt funny ok
be serious. fine ?
me: meri heartbeat already badh chuki hai :D
Rati: lol
me: ok start
Rati: agar tum dimaag me kuch soch rahe ho to ( ) isme likho ok?
ya 1… 2 … 3…
me: hello ye palika market kidhar hai ?
Rati: start
aage se right
me: wahan spidy ka showroom hai kya ?
Rati: hoga shayad. mujhe theek se nahi pata
me: tum kaun si sandle pehnti ho ?
Rati: khani hai kya?
me: :( cry (bhago)
Rati: aisa koi poochta hai kya?
me: to kya poochu :( pehla sawal ready kar sakte hai, aage kya :D
Rati: hmm.. tum poochte mai yaha pe naya hu. plz aap mujhe waha tak chhod sakti hai kya? (wid a really innocent expression on ur face)
me: innocent :D
great idea
Rati: :D
me: chalte chalte baate bhi ho sakti hai
Rati: haan right, got it?
to shuru, u ask me first
me: aur batao kya puchna chahiye
Rati: umm..tumhare baare me batao..uske bare me mat poochna
me: wht ?
Rati: else she will b sure ur interested
me: uske baareme nai puchho ?
Rati: kuch bhi. mai yaha pe naya hu, bohot probs ho rhi hai
me: r u serious ?
Rati: nahi.. itni jaldi nahi..
yes. wo q batayegi tumhe.. stranger ko..
me: muje fanswa to nahi dogi :P
Rati: to better hai tum tumhare bare me batao pehle
nahi :P
kuch bhi batao.. mai yaha kaam karta hu etc
me: mera plan to uska naam kaam puchhne ka tha :D
Rati: chhoti baate u can ask her. like whr do u wrk ?? engg kiya hai kya? ok... aisa kuch.
dont ask whr do u live, wo baad me. at 2nd or 3rd visit
me: thts wt i meant. naam kaam to puchh sakta hu ?
Rati: haan. naam nai, naam baad me. kaam is k
start karo na
me: achha hua main to garbad kar deta :D
Rati: :D wo batayegi bhi nai, kyu batayegi ?
me: ok get set go
Rati: kisi anjaan aadmi ko apna naam ?
yes. shuru karo.,,
me: hiii
Rati: hii se nahi baba
me: grami kitni hai yaha ?
Rati: matlab kal hum mile the kya ?
this is our 1st visit ok??
me: hello bolu ?
Rati: 1 2 3 start
Nahi. a smile is fine...
me: hello yahan std booth kahan hoga ?
Rati: smile bhi nahi
(ye theek hai) aage se right
(ye bhi :P)
me: aapke paas mobile hai ?
Rati: slappppppppp
me: aaooo.. mummy :(
Rati: kick
me: na bolna tha
Rati: listen
me: slaappp kyu itni si baat pe lol
Rati: dont kid around ok
theek se, we start again
me: arey par mobile se ek minute baat karne ko puchhta tha na main
wts wrong ? mera discharged tha lol
Rati: to age bhi bolte na.."aapke paas mobile hai ? mujhe baat karrni hai ek no. pe" aise
to usi sentence me add karte.. y givin time to thnk
me: haan wo to obvious hai
Rati: nahi hai
me: ( crying)
Rati: agar wo pehle sochti ki ur askin for her no. aur immediately nahi hai bolti to ?
me: (trying to hold on)
Rati: tumhara nxt explanation ka upyog nahi na
me: mere paas hai, aapko kisi ko call karna hai
Rati: oh fine..
Rati: yes i hav cell, urgent call karna hai kya?
me: (lol aisa nai puchhegi anjaan ladki)
(urgent hoga to hi koi raaste pe puchhega na lol)
Rati: (agar mai hoti to poochti)
me: (she'll look with suspicious eyes)
Rati: (hahaha very funny)
me: meri frnd aane wali thi yahan bt i cnat find her
Rati: achcha
me: i hv to knw where's she ? can i call her for a minute ?
Rati: ok. no. bataiye
me: 9*********
Rati: here
me: (i think muje apna mobile switch off karna padega )
Rati: (lol) (mere saamne mat karna)
me: (not responding ya switch off aayega)
ohh no ab kya karu, 2 tickets hai mere paas
Rati: (lol)
me: aap chlaegi movie :)
Rati: (plz stop it) yahi anewali thi na.. ruko thodi der
me: i can’t wait now, showtime to ho gaya hai. ab nai aayegi :(
Rati: to jao akele aur ek ticket black me becho... kamayi ho jayegi
me: lol
Rati: (aage?)
me: black ki kamai se to aapki company achhi rahegi :P
Rati: (lol) x-(
me: main achhe ghar ka ladka hu
Rati: ( u knw.. 1 baar mai ek frnd k liye ruki thi raaste pe to ek aadmi aaya tha.. pooch raha tha will gimme compay ramkrishna hospital tak.. m new here)
me: black ? chiii
Rati: (ohh plz stop it now)
to mai bhi paraye mard k saath movies nahi dekhti chiiii
me: ok thn intro kar lete hai. Main paresh hu, ur name ?
Rati: rati (hum kaha pe hai btw ? bus stop?)
me: ( i dunno, most probably multiplex ke aas paas)
tum kaisi movie pasand karti ho ?
Rati: (aise Qs nahi poochte stupid)
me: :( ( to kya poochu )
wht do u do ? tumhe koi kaam to nahi hai na abhi ?
Rati: ("tumhe koi kaam to nahi hai na abhi ?" ye nahi hota to chalta)
m studying, 2nd yr comp. tum job karte ho kya?
(look we r talkin on a bus stop ok.. whr we see each other daily)
(tht is y we r talkin... else mai bhaav nahi deti aise hi kisi bhi baat karne wale ko)
me: job ? yes u can find me in my office frm 10 to 5 lol
(ye kya baat hai :( main to totally new ladki se mila tha lol)
Rati: (nai.. ladkiya kisi se bhi baate nahi karti hai.. hum dono 1 bus stp pe more thn 2 months tak same time pe aate hai.. by face hum dono ek doosre ko jaante hai.. isliye m talking..ok?)
me: (u killed the fun yaar, bt u r right if roj dekhte hai thn chappal khane ka darr kam hai lol)
(bt tht means ab jitni ne muje dekh rakah hai usi me se choose karna hoga )
(so sad :( )
Rati: (haan right)
me: (maine job ka bataya, ur turn)
Rati: (tumhe ek mail frwd karu kya? love story type hai.. padh lo.. how the guy approaches the gal.. u will get sme tips)
(bataya na maine.. engg kar rahi hu)
me: (lunch time, baad me story badhate hai, vaise itni baat kaafi hai mob no puchhne ko ;P)
Rati: (nahi hai)
me: (ok nahi hogi par dubara mile to baat to karegi na ?)
Rati: (haan karegi.. smile bhi karegi)
me: (thts great, fir to invite bhi kar sakte hai kisi program k liye )
Rati: (nahi)
(not so fast kiddo)
me: (itna fast nai yaar, thode din baad)
Rati: (nahi.. first b good frnz.. uyske baad)
me: (ok bt frnd kaise banege ? baate karenge roj ?)
Rati: (bus stop pe roz milte hai to.. thodi thodi baate)
(matlab baate karte waqt nervousness nahi hona chaiye dono k beech..like frenz)
me: (frm 2nd time nai hogi ye meir guarantee hai mind it)
ok gotta go eat :) see ya
Rati: cya

Perspiring in a cool winter evening

2009-12-15T00:15:00.001+05:30

Everything went so smooth until the afternoon. Tea was ready before i had brushed my teeth, my lunch was prepared and served by mom instead of male hotel workers and i had plenty of tv channels to surf in search of charming smiles, bewitching eyes, sensational curves etc.

Sounds boring, isn't it ? Exactly the same were my feelings as i had no idea of the thrills and action coming up my way. We had almost reached the bus station and my brother lost control of the bike due to a surprise move of the rickshaw ahead of us. What an anticlimax - crashing down just seconds before landing ! Luckily we were not riding an aeroplane and i got only 3 red bruises which looked like bindis that indian women rarely wear now-a-days.

Anyway my immediate target was to get rid of my brother fast as i wanted to have a cigarette after about 18 hours. So i let him go back home without worrying about my injury.

Few minutes later, i was on the expressway to ahmedabad with too many conflicting thoughts racing through my mind - long term plans like the status of my carreer and pressure to get married. Include short term targets like what to do in the sunday evening and whether there is any job waiting for me on monday. Finally i gave up the exercise to solve this multi-variable equation and slept for an hour.

So I'm almost home ! After leaving my parents' home in Vadodara, it felt like a second homecoming ! I so wanted to pee in my own toilet with its door open but the fact that i had parked a scooter and not a helicoptor in the ST stand postponed the ritual !

Within minutes, of course after having my routine tea with a cigarette, i began driving back to my home which actually is more like a restroom between two working days ! Just a few seconds drive on the crowded rode and comes the bad omen - caught for not wearing helmet !

i'll always be a soldier of fortune...

2009-12-02T12:33:00.000+05:30

27th March, 2008

me: i love u sofi
Sofia: gm
me: i said i love u
Sofia: okies, whats wrong with saying good morning
me: good morning :)
i was in love with you frm day 1 n kept thinking bout hw to reach italy all the time
Sofia: ru kidding?
me: jst try to understand my feelings
Sofia: me too
always doing that
me: u wanna cm india for me ? please come soon, i m dying here each day
Sofia: now i feel im growing older
me: wthout you
Sofia: and the songs that i have sung
echo in the distance
like the sounds
of a windmill going round
guess i'll always be a soldier of fortune
me: for last few months i cant sleep when we dont chat
n dont worry i ll b loving u even when u celebrate ur 100the birthday
Sofia: that was a song
that was going on the radio
which i love
ru joking with me today
me: so
today is world theatre day :)
Sofia: its not 1st april yet yaar
me: tried to do little drama bt dont think worked much :(
Sofia: adjust ur calendar
no, drama is ok, always works with women
esp indian
me: ur almost indian :)
i maynot come italy bt still i love u
Sofia: i will come to india but what difference will it make
me: sex
Sofia: do u think so
me: sure
we re close bt the physical closeness has no alternative :P
see ya later… time to see pretty ladies shopping
Sofia: what?
me: means lunch time :(
Sofia: oh
ok

56 minutes later

me: kahan gayee juliet....

50 minutes later

me: miss call me when u come online n wanna chat

10 minutes later

me: where art thou, sofi ?

Story of a wednesday..

2009-11-18T19:49:00.001+05:30

"I love you and it hurts when you are in pain !", i told myself as soon as i got up today and realized that my tonsils have striked again. Its usual actually - to pass the whole day doing crap work or sleeping at home with the knowledge that something just like those tonsils has to be cured first.
So went one more wednesday in search of clues to solve the mystery of my actual position in society and get my life on some proper track. And at the end of the day i am stuck with the same verbal puzzles like - office me hu, maja ma saheb?, chai pilao yaar, ghar pe hi ho na?, bolo saheb, zzzzzzz (yawns) etc. I wish there was some printed book to refer to when you can't understand such coded messages.

She lovs d way i talk n talk n talk n talk !!

2009-10-14T06:12:00.000+05:30

9th september, 2008

me: hello birth day girl :) hw r u today ?
Mallika: heylo :D m happY.. u saY
me: i see, having a glass of vodka or :P you looking hot in this one (referred to her new profile image)
Mallika: lolz..nah..no vodka..will hv sweets..its dassera too :) happy dassera!!
me: to you too
Mallika: hot..lolz..thanq :D
me: i didnt expect you still i thought to try it, stock market is closed today :)
Mallika: hmm..
me: so hw do u celebrate dasheraa ? you knw
Mallika: at home..its fun!!
me: whts interesting in you, second to your cool nature btw ?
Mallika: hmm..hars to ans..dunno wat interets u :P hard*
me: i tell u, this t shirt of yours showing u knw what :P dont mind :)
Mallika: hmm...ok hai..
me: i bet the rest of the figure too is great, isnt it :P
Mallika: :) nw stop it!! me: just one more thing
Mallika: aur thik se wish kario phir se :) its ma buhdaYY :D
me: you look very tasty,eatable :P didnt like the scrap ????? i customised from face book application for you only
Mallika: oh..orkut nai dekha abi maine
me: then tell me, what s interesting in me :)
Mallika: hmm..u make me laugh..nd sometimes i lov d way u talk n talk n talk n talk..i cant :
me: vaise to muje bhi topic nahi mil raha :D still m trying to talk :) to hw u r gonna celebrate ?
Mallika: nothin much..m bored ek to exams postpone..aur dee bhi nai hai yaha pe..aur party bhi exams k baad hai..woh to pahle hi decide kiya tha :D
me: ohh no
aaj kuchh nahi ? ek vodka lena meri aur se
Mallika: arrey nai..mom will kill me..navratra time..will hv wine after ma exams..frns ka plan hai..pata nai wine kyun ;)
me: i dont knw diff btwn wine and whisky :D i ll try beer for your b'day :P
Mallika: hehe..sure..cheers!!
wine..bakwas..4% alcohol..kuch nai hota :
me: thts good for me, i cant handle much of alcohol, ek chhoti si bottle abhi aadhi padi hai mcdowel ki :D
Mallika: hmm..dnt drink much..! ur treatement is goin on..
me: drink is ok, smoking is ruining my lungs :( pain started again :D
Mallika: hmm..see : :
me: what ? i told u if u give ur no. i ll not touch cgrt :) bt u didnt :(
Mallika: see serious nai hota tu kabhi lyf main :
me: ok then lets check it, i m nt in any serious relation. if i was i cud show you :)
Mallika: show me wat?
me: tht i ll leave smoking completely :) thts wy you were making faces na :D
Mallika: ahha...tu tere liye nai chhod sakta smoking ? :P
me: i like it :P :D
lolz hv u seen that movie "chashme baddoor " ?
Mallika: nahi :
me: kya hai ki hero ek professor hai, paan wala kehta hai use ki.. tum par smoking achhi nahi lagti chhod do, to he replies jab koi special ladki meri life me aa jayegi aur bolegi to i ll leave smoking :D
Mallika: lolz.. foolish na ..?
me: not at all, it shows that he needs sm kind of motivation, u see ;)
Mallika: bt why to depend on some gal to come in lyf.. dnt u care abt ur life..?
me: i do, i ve already halved it to 5 frm 10
Mallika: gud hai..!! k lets nt discuss this..thoda senti ho jata hai..i dnt like talkin abt life much
me: i promise if u give me ur phone no, i ll leave for sure :)
Mallika: paresh dear..chuck it na..
me: why ?
Mallika: na..bas aisehi..
me: do u doubt me yet ? tht i ll misuse ur no :(
Mallika: i dnt think lyk dat.. actually..m nt thinkin nything abt dat...bas tok somethin else..
me: u knw even i m nt certain if i can call u, i m too shy for it :D
Mallika: wt m on phone..
lol..ya k
me: m with a batch mate, he wants to go :(
Mallika: oh.. :(
me: so wat u do on dushera ? jalebi :P
Mallika: ur leavin?
me: ?
Mallika: jalebi..bingo..!! :)
me: really ? so in ur place too :D m so sorry he's kinda hungry :D
Mallika: nah actually..puran poli bhi hai..ma fav :)
me: eeeh thts too sweet na :(
Mallika: sweet yeah :D
me: i tried once, cudnt eat :D
Mallika: ok :)
me: so shall we meet in evening ? or u r having party :P or hang out with frnds ?
Mallika: will go after 8 pm, wat time u'l come?
me: means after 8 i shud come ??
Mallika: nahi dear..
me: u knw 9 baje baad main ghar se nahi nikalta , zamana kharab hai :D
Mallika: m goin out after 8..u come b4 dat..
me: thts good, i ll come after 5 ok ?
Mallika: ok
me: so see ya nd hav a great day, wish i had come alone, i cud hv stayed more :)
Mallika: bye

Happy Birthday Evening Mallika :)

2009-10-13T10:27:00.000+05:30

About 7 in the evening, 9th September, 2008

me: so m back
Mallika: ahha..here comes ma boi ..ur late mr. :
me: sorry sorry sorry, i get lazy wthout my bike, i mean scooter here :D
Mallika: its k..bt will leave soon
me: u said u ll leave at 8 ?
Mallika: hmm..k lets c..bolo ji
me: kya bolu ok, happy b'day evening again :D
Mallika: thankoo thankoo !! :D
me: so u knw it :P
Mallika: :P
me: see i was looking for a call girl today bt didnt wrk out, maybe soon it will ;)
Mallika: why ur talkin dis wid me ...
me: ok ok i read ur status nd felt like its for me thts wy, do u hav web cam ?
Mallika: no i dnt hv webcam
me: bad luck, this cafe has it, i cud see u :P
Mallika: hmm..tujh pe bura asar pad rha tha mere status msg ka :( so changed it :D
me: ok so thts bad, in ur opinion ?
Mallika: in my opinion..yea..
me: means i shud nt go for it ? m so lonely here :(
Mallika: dunno..dnt ask me :(
me: sorry again, didn want to make u angry, my attention is smwht diverted due to maheen :D
Mallika: hmm.. tok somethin else..nyways thnx for dat application wala b'day wish..i liked it :D
me: my pleasure, i love you to like my msgs :P
Mallika: hmm..why ur so unpredictable for me today??
me: i told u the call girl thing, i got really nervous half hour ago..:(

anywy that means othrewise u can predict me :P
Mallika: yea..many times..
me: bt i can never predict u
Mallika: oopsh..? really? so is it gud or bad?
me: secret is good to keep up the interest girls always try to maintain it :D
Mallika: yea..u told me once..m mysterious for u..!! many ppl says that ..hmm..gud hai
me: i tell u.. men alwasy llike women who hv sm secrets, its like a mental work out :D
Mallika: lolz k
me: so u never use web cam ?
Mallika: noh
me: then buy one :D
Mallika: no need of dat..actually
me: i need it :P
Mallika: instead..u cn see ma pics..
me: bt moving lively mallika will be better :P
Mallika: hmm..
me: vaise excuse me, yahan machhar bahut hai, to mera dimaag kharab ho raha hai :(
Mallika: pahlese dimag kharab..ab aur..dats why paresh is bit diff today..hmm..ok hai
me: shaam ko to u knw hw bored i m, mood kharab rehta hai
btw where do u get those profile pics one more intersting one
Mallika: bas idhar udhar se.. lolz
me: bt threy're always diffrent and great
Mallika: :) some of dem r ma tredmarks!! i do repeat it
me: aisa hai ? i never saw repeatation
Mallika: wait dis one.. nd aur bhi ek hai, yahi g mail pe dekh le cn u see it?
me: yeah, bt this one's very far, good one yet, better keep the real one here
Mallika: ye bhi :D
me: nt changed yet
Mallika: ab?
me: i see the same, i think im seeing the second one now, first i missed
Mallika: konsi dekh rha hai?
me: ye do haath falilake khadi hai jo, back ground me sarovar aur pahad
Mallika: nahi ab dusri hai :D jane de..
me: ok nw i got, chehra nahi dikh raha, are dekh li, abhi to baarish wali rakh..thts great, you like getting wet ?
Mallika: ye wali?
me: i mean subah thi jo
Mallika: yup..har baar bhigti toh hoon..i lov rain
me: yeah bt i said, keep original here please
Mallika: baarish wali thodi na thi woh..
me: to fir ab bhigte waqt khinchna, fir laga dena :P
Mallika: lol nah..:P
me: either u dont show face or stay away in the pic, tht means u try to maintain distance frm people , isnt it ?
Mallika: hmm..may b
me: i saw it in all pic, none was close up, if it was it didnt show face
Mallika: nw u cn see
me: yeah good, this also has better light thn before
Mallika: tune ye wali nahi dekhi thi..last month se yahi thi.. maine kal change ki thi :P
me: kya kare,class me to sab jhankte rehte hai, so i dont log in at all..yahan bhi bajuwala uncle padhne ki try kar raha hai :(
Mallika: eh..!! bad hai
me: guess i hv to leave, collegue ko time diya tha he wanted me to join bt i said i promised mallika :)
Mallika: yeah baby!! thnx for dat!!
me: thts my trademark :D
Mallika: wht??
me: promise follow karna, wat else :P
Mallika: hmm..gud hai muah!!
me: ab fir mat badal, subah wali sexy thi, use laga na
Mallika: aur mela gift kaha hai ladke?

me: what u want ?

muuahhh
Mallika: yeh wali kaisi hai..she iz ma gothic queen :)
me: ok ? i said for that only, subah wali apni laga na, gift to dena hai par kaise ? do u hav sm way ?
Mallika: gift kya hai? :D
me: whtever u wish, i m bad at judging frm chatting bout wht u ll like :D
Mallika: lolz k!! nah i wnt nothin..!! bas stay precious!!
me: thnks so i m precious :P
Mallika: yeah al my frns are precious :) :)
me: are u drunk sweetheart :)
Mallika: oh..m i soundin lyk dat ?? :P too bad for me..coz m not :(
me: bt i like you tht way, stay so :D
ab to time ho gaya, its always tough to leave u :(
Mallika: waise teko aisa kyun laga? ;)
me: u said bout all frns precious, you r too practical to say that :D
Mallika: hmm..!!
me: wasnt tht out of the way comment :D
Mallika: no bt al ma frnd are :)
me: see i felt great tht u judged me, bt all ? all r like me :D ??
Mallika: nah in different ways.. :)
me: so u had to go after 8 ? where ? party ?
Mallika: ya..jus hotellin..silent parties.. lol
me: aaj to muje bhi hoteling, karna padega, colleagues ravan dahan dekh rahe honge nd must be waiting for me
i said i ll take half hour :D
Mallika: so i guess ur happy atleast after listenin "all in diff ways" ? r u? ;)
me: yeah i think, they r just frnds, i m good frnd :P like they say when an affair is going on :D
Mallika: yeh ma baby boi :)
oye..affair..? kya bol rha hai ? :(
me: leave it, to tuje silent party nahi pasand :D to kaisi party chahie ?
Mallika: pasand hai...m also silent :P
me: silent killer :D
Mallika: killer..lol u think so?
me: seen bachna aye haseeno ?
Mallika: nahi dekhi..bips hai..fir bhi nahi dekhi :(
me: fir kabhi uski baat karenge, its bad tht u r silent, coz i m considere silent too, opposites hona chahie tha :)
Mallika: u silent..duh..ur like a chatter box for me :P
me: chatting is diff
Mallika: remember...pahle pahle..tu irritate hota tha, wen i used to say only ok and hmm.. lol
me: ha wo to hai, i like responsive women :P
Mallika: u cn imagine main kitna kam bolti hoon..in public :D hmm..k
me: no prob. teri kami main poori kar dunga :D
Mallika: kaise ? ;)
me: main jyada bolta hu na
Mallika: yup!!
me: actually when i m on sm job, i too speak little, only when i get bored i speak more, tht too has a limit
Mallika: no bt i like silent talks also..its fun u see..
me: once i hv said it all, i m silent
Mallika: ek frnd hai mera..we tok only 4 lines in half an hour..rofl
me: silent talk whats tht ?
Mallika: aage bhi padh..u'l get it :P
me: 4 lines k beech me kya aur kaise baat karte ho :D
Mallika: i mean ol dumbo :D
me: yeah thts wat i said
Mallika: kuch nai bas aisehi :)
me: ohhk thought u 2 had sm mysterious telepathy kind of way to tak without words in the remaining part of half hour :D
Mallika: brb
me: gotta leave honey :( see you tomorrow evening ? hv a rocking b'day blast, give me ur address, i ll send sm flowers at least :)
Mallika: bak
ohk.. bye me too leavin.. thnx again
me: muahhhh (parting kiss ) :P
Mallika: hehe..muaahz bak bye bye :)
me: sweet dreams :)

Har fun ko dhuen me udata chala gaya..

2009-10-12T23:23:00.000+05:30

I'm back, once again to bore my millions of readers with the news and views of my quitting attempts. Task remains the same except that i am not setting any distant deadline this time making it a mission to finish on daily basis.

So i failed totally on the day 1 as i still have to search my lost determination.
Its upto tomorrow now!

Fourth day of the week, cool mornings mean winter is almost here yet i can't think anything but burn my lungs with the first cigarette of the day after getting out of bed.

Welcome back after the break. No, i didn't mean the line spacing, i meant my vacation in between the quitting mission ! I know you all want to hit me out of rage driven by your undying love and affection for me. Lucky to be hit in that case, but i have to worry bout other guys who don't even get a fraction of love due to my monopoly. Its a guilty feeling alright and i feel so embarassed for all those public displays of your affection.

So i have the motivation now - to not let other bachelors feel inferior.

One more lonely sunday, though not so boring as its quite cool in the morning. The only available companion is my smoke stick and she does help in relieving my mind from the burden of finding activities as i have to focus on the chest pain gifted by her. I feel like one female man as i can't concentrate on anything else except the slim diva. Why doesn't she get fat like ladies so that i could lose interest in her ?

Hopeless i am feeling in the love of the slim temptress. Its nothing but realization of the saying that love is pain as i can't stay away from her even as i feel chest pain all day since past few days.

Sorry sorry sorry...for keeping you all wondering about my impending break up with the slim stick. Its been about a month since i had last thought about breaking up with her. Maybe Lost in my "very busy doing nothing" routine but that thought is still hidden somewhere in my subconscious mind. And yes you're right, it just popped up into my conscious mind on this boring friday evening.

The fact is i always need something to pursue all day and dream at night. So Where's that dream to direct my thoughts and actions 24*7 ?

Behind every mysterious accident, there's some kind of addiction !

2009-09-17T23:30:00.000+05:30

Bang !

A rickshaw parked on side of the road suddenly came into my view and before i could control its speed, my scooter banged into the back of the rickshaw. Damn it ! Why the hell do i lose my grip over the vehicle at such crucial time ?

And it was over in a flash and i was thrown on the road ahead with my scooter lying behind me. Lucky again, i injured just one finger and got up to start my scooter. But sadly its not so tough as i am - headlight completely smashed, front wheel jammed and immobile ! Frustrations took hold of my mind for next few minutes - i had to stop bleeding from my finger, get my scooter repaired to reach office and first of all comfort the hurt rickshaw's driver by giving him money to cure his innocent baby !

And my innocent mind was clueless about the mysterious collision as it had no record of the few seconds in which my heart had robbed its command over my eyes ! Maybe the sunglasses were the culprit for luring my curious heart into the unknown treasure as i was trying to penetrate them with my eyes to explore the passions hidden behind them. But the fact that i am not the type who can ride two horses at a time and the horse i was already riding was programmed to reach my office before 10 not to cause disturbences in the city due to a break in my routine. Sadly instead of working for that noble cause i tried to invade and break the mystery behind a woman's eyes.

And moments later i did break something, precisely speaking the headlights of my scooter which i had mistaken as a horse to locate any object coming in the way by itself.

So the lesson i learnt is - never try to drive anything else while you are driving your eyes into reading bewitching female faces.

Homesickness amidst deep waters

2009-09-14T19:19:00.001+05:30

Few days were remaining for six weeks' training to end and lecturers had finally sensed our sentiments allowing frequent breaks in the schedule. On one such afternoon, my bengali colleagues planned a boating trip to the famous marble rock region of the river Narmada. It was full moon day - ideal for boating. They were ready to leave and asked me to join at the last moment and i jumped into the autorickshaw to spend my evening at an unseen before place.

One auto rickshaw to accomodate six guys, not much comfortable to sit but the distance wasn't much so the pain was over soon ! Climb down the stairs and here it is, another look of the Narmada, flowing very calmly between marble rocks declaring that the depth is lethal in this part. As usual there was a tea session on the bank and then we hired a boat to feel the thrill of getting up-close with the dangerous river for half an hour !

Even after being informed that the water i am sailing on is about 300 feet deep, i was quite relaxed and busy capturing images with the full moon in background. Only other thing to do was to listen commentary of the part-time guide whose main job was to sail the boat. Most part of his speech had stories about films shot at the rocky location.

My mobile camera was not good enough to capture images/video properly but still i managed to capture a video with the boat-driver cum guide's commentary and some images of myself. Half an hour later we were back to the bank and began our shopping of the exclusive local items. After searching and bargaining in many shops, i bought one ash tray made from marble rocks for just 40 Rupees and a pair of ear rings for 30 Rupees.

Buying those ear rings was the sign of my everlasting optimism that i'll find someone very soon to gift them before they lose their cheap quality colour. Actually it was hard to quit the shops' area filled with many bengali girls and women and maybe thats why my colleagues were in no hurry.

Anyway they made up their minds somehow and we proceeded towards our irritated driver. The same rickshaw and the same broken roads but with two different feelings - homesickness and sickness of going back home - we started our return journey.

freedom of speech !!

2009-09-09T10:35:00.000+05:30

Damn ! This is the limit, i made this simple poll in a community of social networking site, the poll was meant to point out differences between american and indian living and get general opinion about them but the essential purpose was to create humour. I have lost my mind completely regarding what could be the reason to remove my simple and funny creation !!

Mr. clean prefers it neat !

2009-09-05T20:32:00.000+05:30

There was no planning, at least from my side. Some of my colleagues were going out and as i had no program for the evening, i joined them without inquiring much about their program.

The program turned out to be a drinking competition ! I call it competition because i was the beginner, playing first time this game of enjoying lost consciousness, i had to compete with regular drinkers - my punjabi colleagues.

I saw them mixing a lot of water to the little amount of whisky, i thought my stomach may not succeed to contain so much water and i'll lose in the drinking competition. They did warn me about dangers of drinking neat but i felt like a warrior standing on the battlefield, a point of no return ! Foul smell and weirdly bitter taste, it was hard for me to take small sips and savour the taste slowly like my partners were practicing in front of me. I grabbed the glass and tried to swallow it all as fast as i could to help my tongue have the least possible memory of the unpleasant taste. After that first peg, i was completely conscious of what's happening around. Naturally, that boosted my confidence to go for the second peg. Dizziness started to relax my mind now, sure it felt good and i became less aware of the people around which is a big problem usually. With the support of omelettes and roasted peanuts, there goes the third toss making me dizzier plus unsteady on my legs. "What the hell ! It feels so light-headed and yet my bloody mind is focussed on reaching hostel safely instead of taking a break and allow my hidden insanity to come out on stage and play its role !", i cursed myself and decided to move on with the fourth peg.

And the match came to a frustrating end due to rain ! My stomach was the culprit that filled the sink of the restaurant with the downpour of semi-digested omelettes, peanuts and undigested liquor ! Fuck my overworking brain, its denial to leave the field made my poor stomach go on a break ! Anyway i began thinking about the dinner as i had emptied almost everything in the restaurant's wash basin. But it was not over yet as we read the bill and an argument started between us - 4 pegs or 5 pegs ?!! Two of us argued with the waitor that we had only 4 pegs each while the other two thought it was 5 pegs each as shown in the bill ! Waitor's crucial support gave the 5 pegs side an edge, we followed the majority verdict, paid the bill and left with unsteady legs.

Never mind, it was the first attempt anyway, better luck next time !!

Quitting Update !

2009-09-01T11:59:00.000+05:30

Day 1

Just half an hour to go for the beginning of September 1, 2009 as i am writing this. The confidence level is at an all-time low. My mind is corrupted by temptaion. And i can't resist to have the last puff before the day of kickstarting the mission !

Disaster ! Ok i failed ! I lost my sleep around 6 in the morning and wanted to smoke, just the same intense feeling one gets while being alone in lift with some curvy lady. Somehow i manage to limit it to two (instead of the usual three) before leaving for office.

It was easy during office hours with so many diversions available to engage myself in - one more blow averted from landing on my lungs !

The Sun is off duty now and so is my dedication. The lean temptress has already wooed my senses twice and i feel helpless against my evening blues.

Rains have taken a break today letting me drive fast to my dinner destination and come back even faster to announce the fiasco of today's mission to the millions of readers of this blog. Driving fast doesn't mean you can fly over the speed-brakers, i mean i had to stop to buy three cigarettes in the way !

So, its the end of day 1. moral of the disaster - where there is wills well-settled, there's a long way to get rid of it!

Day 2

Its like watching a particular episode of some reality tv show once again. Now, as this show has me as the only human participant, loneliness makes the attempts to escape from the seductive smoky partner challenging.

Progress of the day 1 has been erased. I am back to my usual quota of cigarettes as my determination seems to have gone on tour to some unknown destination.

Isn't there any better way to control my temper ?
What's the use of punishing my own body to revenge my failure ?
Will i be able to locate my lost determination and persuade it to come back home ?
Where is that one person who can help me fight the battle against the slim temptress ?

Hope has set her eyes on day 3 as i will try to get the answers as soon as possible!

Day 4

Its a shameful chapter of the quitting story - the 3rd day, so better let it be in the missing pages list !

Forget it, its a new day and i am gearing up myself to solve questions raised by my caring and cautious but presently suppressed/illusioned self.
Philosophical thoughts starts to gain control as the day progresses without crossing any milestone towards the target of "Quitting race" between me and the slim stick.

Once again i find myself surrendering to her charm.
Over to tomorrow, my beloved mission.

Day 5,6

For a change, listen to my soul today
"I am so Sorry paresh, but its weekend, and i have begun to feel the 'weekness' ! You already have the trouble to spend thousands of minutes aimlessly, why take the additional pain of rejecting a slim and seductive partner ?"

Day 7

Impossible ! At least it seems so after the 7th day is over without any success in reducing the number of our dates, the actual target - a mature breakup has been conveniently forgotten. Never mind, i still have 3 weeks to search and capture my lost determination. I am positive like never before and ready to divert my attention to some other addictive diva in pursuit of dumping her.

Day 8,9,10

I can't believe this but its happening, there's no sign of the rock hard determination anywhere around. I get up every morning and simply forget about my target and jump into the arms of my foul-smelling lover. I don't believe in God but my subconscious has begun praying for some divine help to get rid of the smoky diva.

Day 11

Its over to the bet now. I was chatting with some girl about my habit and she claimed that i can't quit. So thats it, i immediately placed a bet to quit. Although it didn't work on the first day but i am sure its enough motivation to reinforce my attempts. Next comes weekend and i don't rely much on holidays to begin any new adventure. Let monday come and see the power of betting !

Day 12,13

It was Saturday evening and i experienced the withdrawl symptoms once again in my 2 year long affair with the smoky seductress. The whole day i kept talking to myself and finally got bored. A real-life inspired gangster movie was fit to relax my mind after having been under siege of my own PJs. Trouble started after about one and a half hours as my stomach showed first signs of the so-called withdrawl symptoms and i had to rush home to relax my bowels as soon as the movie was over. Its Tough, just half an hour delay in the hourly date and my body felt terrible. Sure its going to be quite a battle ahead to achieve the break up !

Day 22

I guess i encountered a short-term memory loss last week and so now its like a rain-shortened one-day match where my team has got an almost impossible run chase thanks to Duckworth-Louise ! Clueless is the state of my mind today as i find myself too busy even after not doing any work whole day. I just can't understand what keeps my mind so much engaged that i forget to stop at the grocery shop to buy a tooth paste or soap and recall it only when i need it in the morning. Whatever it be, i m not quitting the idea of kicking the butt.

Day 23

One more frustrating day and worse is that i haven't at all attempted to stay away from the tiny smoke machine till now, its 8:25 in the evening.

Day 24

Almost lost the battle, it has started paining in my chest for past 2 days and i haven't managed to get my thoughts back on track, so there's no question of any action towards the destination.

Day 25,26

Never had i felt so hopeless in the 29 years of my life. It feels like i have lost control over my senses completely. I am sure that i do want to quit but everyday i hear myself saying to my poor soul, "not today, i'll surely quit tomorrow !!"

Day 27

Clock shows eleven, its a hot sunday morning in the supposedly cool period of September. Smoking is a sign of being cool for a few but it has made my actions cold and thoughts aimless.As i have no plans at all about the day ahead, why not have a bet to keep the empty mind engaged ! So its a bet - no smooching till midnight.
Lost it once again!I lost the bet +100 Rupees as fine for parking my scooter on road for a few minutes while smoking after a long unbearable wait of 3 hours. I must salute the local traffic squad for their far-sightedness. The narrow by-lane was almost trafficless when i parked my scooter but it was soon to be jammed due to my celebrity status and that's where enters the devoted watchdogs to ensure smooth movement of people and vehicles before my fans get a chance to create havoc on the deserted sunday afternoon. They didn't even bother about any paperwork after collecting fine, a sure sign that india is moving rapidly towards paperless administration.

My poor Index finger

2009-08-27T10:35:00.000+05:30

Its 8:30 in the morning.
I am sucking my finger desperately to stop the bleeding.Its just a small cut on my index finger but a big blow on my conscience reminding me of the dangers of being alone, having not a single relation to call in need.

I have no idea what i was hurrying for but i did drive my right hand too fast to wait for consulting my eyes and it bumped into a used blade inside my shaving cabinet injuring my poor index finger. "What the hell, i don't know any method to stop the bleeding", i abused myself. Here was an unexpected panic situation, i had no option but to rush to the nearest medical store for first aid.

Luckily its no serious wound except that it has caused me to think seriously about my cutoff-from-society status.

In search of tigers...

2009-08-24T22:01:00.001+05:30

It was a long and boring journey in the state transport bus. The driver tested our patience with plenty of stops giving us a surprize chance to measure our tolerance level and collected extra cash in the process. No need to say that we passed the test painfully and reached Kanha national park with tortured looking faces.

Ohh, i just missed to mention two european cheer girls that joined us midway and motivated us to finish the test, ok, they were not cheer girls exactly but good enough to revital us in the tiring heat. Most of us felt lucky that the girls decided to stay in the same hotel as ours but i thought it was our hard work in completing the frustrating journey that paid us blonde inedible fruits. I had already completed one round of daydreaming bout 'em during the bus journey and the second round in Kanha was too hot to handle as they were to spend night within few yards from us.

Dreams apart, none of us dared start any conversation with 'em and we proceeded to inquire about the schedule to enter the national park. And it turned out that we can visit the park just like a zoo, the only difference being roaming animals of the jungle would be viewing us trapped in a jeep. Now we got an advise that the best chance to encounter tigers in the jungle is early morning, so i am back to the daydream of blondes with fresh fantasies.

The next day

It was about 5 in the morning when i was having my last cigarette before entering the jungle. Sunlight was just about to replace darkness' rule in the jungle and our jeep was slowly moving on the narrow roads. Chilled air was hitting my body hard in the moving vehicle but the expectations of the thrills lying ahead kept my spirits high. I was recalling the jungles i had seen in the movies and strained my eyes to locate animals of different shapes and sizes but what i really got to see was something like watching a special episode about deers on the idiot box!

That's it, two or three types of deers was all we saw after roaming for almost three hours in the so called jungle. Anyway, still we were looking forward to a probable encounter with a tiger in its natural habitat. But as usual my bad luck worked again, another jeep which entered the jungle ahead of us met a tiger and we just missed to catch him before he disappeared again. So now it was upto the jungle administration to show us at least one tiger and make our trip worth their charge. And they did it, they had located a tiger resting in a very dense part of the jungle where only elephants can reach.

This has happened before !!

2009-08-18T13:53:00.001+05:30

Nothing terrible has occured, no exchange of harsh words with parents or their supporters. My tooth brush was in place, i did get my morning tea with cigarettes and even my bowels got emptied nicely this morning.

Then what's wrong with me today?
I am feeling restless and irritated since morning with the what-to-do-next-i-have-no-idea look on my face.

Somehow the turbulent morning has passed and its the usual lunch break time as i m writing this. No apparent reason i can figure out as the restlessness remains the same after about 4 hours.

Possibly i will damage my scooter today but as i have to go out to eat, there's no option except betting some bones of my scooter and mine too.

Lunch finished, i am back to my bed calculating losses of day trading. My loneliness is about to hit me at the weakest point as the evening is approaching.

And the evening ends without much trouble watching a bollywood flick on married life. Just imagine having a self-made breakfast while your better half is reluctant to lead her dirty body into kitchen. A strong believer of the saying Health is wealth she must be !

INDIA DEKHA !!

2009-08-15T12:33:00.000+05:30

Unbelievable ! I couldn't believe my eyes when i saw men carrying pessengers in their pedal rickshaw outside Jabalpur railway station. Night of September 21, 2008 had just begun and i was to begin my official tour cum on job study of Information technology in the heart of India. Honestly, i felt pain in my legs as that lean man carried me in his pedal-rickshaw.

Anyway on reaching my hostel, i found myself lost in thoughts about the weeks ahead in an unknown region about a thousand kms. far from my residence. Worries of adjusting with the new routine made me forget that leg pain. Luckily my room partner was sweet and talkative like me and i knew from the day one that peace will prevail in the room. Ok, forget everything, you badly need a good sleep after the 24 hour journey - i told myself !

Its so fresh and chilled out - morning in the outskirts of the small town ! I almost fell in love with the place just for the blissful peace as i realized what i had been going through in past ten years or so. What's the use of all the technological advances if we have to sacrifice our peace of mind under work pressure and contaminate our body and soul with ever increasing pollution in the cities ?, I asked myself but found nothing in reply except recalling of the fact that i had to get ready for the lectures - the official reason of my stay here ! The institute building is almost like a palace crying out loud that it has seen much better days in the past. One can easily sense that feeling of lost kingdom in the behaviour of the staff here. Lectures are not so boring as the almost retired lecturers but i think tackleing situations with patience is also a part of the skill upgradtion course. Simply put, its a "lets get it over with" game.

The sun cares for us and sets finally. Evening is cool due to approching winter, add to it the relaxed feel of a typical small town and your senses tells you "THANK YOU" !

So now what ? The usual quest to find some refreshing activity to pass the evening gets tougher as it gets dark a little earlier here. On the Positive side, all the batchmates share my feeling making the quest easier. Having no other plan i decide to catch up with the group of my room-mate in a walkathon with unspecified finishing line. Minimum traffic-of both people and vehicles makes you feel relaxed. I felt too bad while staring at all the well-shaped women in the way and even complained to God that why he is so unjust to females of my region.It was about half an hour walk to the market area from our hostel which was inside army cantonment area.

Walking proved good for the first day to have a feel of the place where i was to stay for the next six weeks but it started to bore me after few days. One readily available option was to play badminton, table-tennis, cricket or volleyball.I never knew that badminton and table-tennis can be fun too, at least much better than watching tv ! Volleyball was another toy to cure my evening fatigue. Its round, tight, hard, fast-jumping and keeps you on toes to avoid getting hit !

It felt like hanging out with a miniature version of the multi-faceted indian society looking at my batchmates - from Punjab, Uttar pradesh, Calcutta and South india. Just think of dealing with rough north indians, sweet-talking Bengalis and diplomatic south indians on the same day and sometimes on the same playground ! One group prefers long walks, one other is always found on the playground, another gets busy booking train tickets to their homes whenever the only computer of the class is found unoccupied and there are one or two mysterious groups too whose activties i could not figure out ! Anyway, the positive side was that i had options to change activities and avoid boredom !

Dhuandhar

Plenty of holidays and nothing to do in this place far from our homes - it gave us an opportunity to explore the heart of india and for me its a long-awaited chance to see the real picture behind the much publicised "INDIA DEKHA" campaign of Madhya Pradesh government. First outing was the famous Dhuandhar falls on the river Narmada.

The journey began and very soon the damaged roads started threatening my joints - get out of the way or get dismantled ! They went on the mission full-heartedly and could definitely have achieved their goal only if Narmada had decided to fall from a more distant location. Thank heavens, its over, statues in the car came alive, out in the fresh air of the riverfront. Dhuandhar succeeds in making itself heard despite the crowd and creates a watery fog in the hot season. Not much of a great site, still its enjoyable as a picnic place at least. Maybe thats why some of us focussed their eyes on certain ladies changing clothes in the open. Its Hard to believe but even i tried to capture those moments with my mobile camera. Some guys started exploring the rocky surroundings but managed to find nothing except their own photos in weird poses. Bargaining for the cheap roadside stuff was quite a fun plus i had to buy some memorabilia cum gifts too. So i got earrings made from the marble rocks around the river.

So concluded the tour without any extraordinary event. Night had registered its presence before we entered the small town with hopes of more interesting tours in the coming holidays.

From the next day all of us returned to the routine - surviving lectures during the day and searching for newer ideas to make the night colourful. Isn't it natural for every human to go for breaking all the rules of the society given a proper opportunity ?

Crash landing on the way to Sin city

It was a dimly lit restaurant full of people committing the crime to relax themselves with the foul-tasting, ill-reputed liquid called Alchohol. I was saying, "Thats enough yaar, its my first time with Beer ! " My partner in crime, a rowdy-looking guy from Uttar Pradesh, was provoking me in harsh words to have one more bottle of beer. I did manage to escape the situation but only after accepting to torture my stomach with a half-filled glass of beer. He kept reminding me, " don't worry about getting drunk, i'll take care of you !" What actually happened was - he seemed to be more out of step than me when we stepped out of the restaurant ! Now i don't recall how it started but we were discussing about where to find prostitutes in this alien city. Obviously i being the shy guy, he took the initiative and asked a pedal-rickshaw man about it. That rickshaw-puller agreed to be our accomplice in the sinful adventure and took us to a place known for prostitution activities. Being somewhat out of mind, i was ready to remove my belt at the tiniest opportunity available and take the beer-induced flight of fantasy to the next level. "Come on yaar, its ok, better luck next time", I told myself on discovering the fact that there's no air-hostess to accompany me and then to land together with me after the fantastic flying adventure.

Do i need to mention that instead of getting to the next level of insane fun, i found myself completely in control on the grounds of reality with shattered dreams lying all around me !

Miss you - today's newspaper !

2009-08-15T12:25:00.000+05:30

Its special, one more milestone crossed today on the bumpy ride towards the diamond jubilee of india's independence ! Never mind even if the road disappears abruptly and your Sedan goes into tractor mode, be positive and feel the thrill of ploughing !
Now as the journey was never meant to be fruitful, the failed monsoon is no issue here.

The issue is i couldn't smell the fresh pages of today's newspaper, missed the aroma of black ink meaningfully spread over it. One more habit that has potential to make me gloom !

Hunger takes over creativity from here and i have to leave my fans, friends and wannabe in-laws with an unsure promise that i will try to give 'em all the details of the diamond jubilee celebration program in a week. See you as a number on my blog's visit counter !

its a small world out there !

2009-07-31T16:57:00.000+05:30

This is an interesting dialogue occured in a social networking site's chat room. The topic here was cracking jokes but then it suddenly came to my present workplace.(or say so-called workplace!)

Me : kya haal chal deepak and amit :)
Amit : Arre waah.. paresh...
Tu ladko se bhi baat kartaa hai.. Good yaar :)
Sab badhiyaa hai re.. waise tu kis Organization mein hai ?
Me :real life me to ladke hi mile hai baat karne :(
Amit : I m fine.. In fact doing Great....Aaj hi subah boss se ladayi huyi.. deadline 1 week ke liye relax ho gayi.. Aur kyaa chahiye life mein...
Perish.. Tu mere bache huye aadhe sawaal ka jawaab de..
Me : i think i m working in BSNL, and i like to think that i m working, sadly certain group of people in society doesn't take my work seriously :(
Amit : Okk..Ab samajh mein aaya...BSNL ka profit itana down kyoon hua iss Quarter mein
Amit : Aaja aaja.. khana khaya ki nahi...
Partho : tabhi paresh ka hamesha wrong number me hee number lagtaa hai.......
Me : bt meri samajh me ye nahi aaya ki hw cud u recognize BSNL :)
yahan k log nahi pehchante BSNL ko lol or maybe mera encounter aise logo k saath hi hua hai !
Amit : paresh..Arre yaar..Poor me..
Mera poora communication BSNL pe tikaa huaa hai...
Mobile/ LandLine/Broadband....kaise nahi pehchanoonga.....waise whr r u located ?
Me :i m in ahmedabd in the head office of gujarat :)
by the way you've got guts to use everythng of BSNL !!
Amit : Arre nahi re.. Itta buraa bhi nahi hai.. BSNL..
BSNL jab tak service dega bilkul mast....but jab koi problem aaye to bhagwan bharosey :D
Me : yaaro main already pareshan hu, ab office ki baate nahi karo :(
Amit :Chal.. maaf kiyaa tujhe.. COMPAINT CELL.. CLOSED.....lol
Me : complaints are always welcome, provided u register it with the right person :)
Partho : yeah.. bond shouldn't be disturbed with trivial issues.......he gotta use his license to Kill :P

?

2009-07-25T15:04:00.000+05:30

Collision course

2009-06-23T19:30:00.000+05:30

As i noticed one or two posts in some blogs about Vespa scooter, this idea popped up in my mind to re-visit on paper all the accidents which should be termed mild collisions actually as i escaped with least injury every time !

I used to travel by bus 2 years back in the beginning of 2007 which was really very interesting as it was my only chance during the day to somehow come in contact with the general public with whom i had no relation of any kind. That was fine only for going office at the decided time every day, so i got this idea of having my vespa scooter from my parents' home.

As i am writing about collisions, the most significant ones are with the traffic police obviously ! It seemed to me throughout all these years that i am carrying some kind of indicator on my forehead that makes them recognize the culprit inside me at once. Mostly this happens on holidays as if its mandatory to register with the authorities every day in one way or another, thus i get myself registered in my home country as an employee on weekdays and as a law-breaker on holidays !

And for the real collisions i'll have to strain my memory and so this post is going to be published in parts for some time from now !

The worst accident occured on a rainy night when i was returning back to home ! Its weird but i never hang out at night and always trying to get home after my pre-planned program is completed, same was the case that day and i was driving my scooter like someone was about to rape me ! What happened that a man was trying to cross the road without looking in the direction of the coming traffic or maybe he didnt attempt to look much far to find me cruising at about 60 kms per hour ! Its still mysterious for me how i lost my control and fell from my scooter while the person himself escaped without any injury. I got unconscious for the first time in my life but escaped major injury once again !

Now in all the other accidents it was my scooter that suffered all the pain and got the souvenirs of the event ! I must confess that it has never complained till date, so i guess even vehicles fall in love with me after considerable period spent together !!

Finally a love interest for me !

2009-06-21T22:48:00.000+05:30

Love is life - whenever i read this i wonder what's wrong with me ? It has always been a mystery for me how people fall in love, and even today i haven't made any significant breakthrough towards solving it. I have witnessed many Valentine's days during my college days. I could see girls and boys wandering around the Campus with Pink roses in hands and rosier feelings in their hearts but never was lucky enough to behold the magical moment (as in love stories and romantic movies) of proposing the opposite sex. You would say I was just unlucky but i think there was an international conspiracy to save me from the fool's paradise called Love.

Anyway, its the same indian society around me as we are passing through 9th year of 21st century. Its a rainless monsoon evening and i am as lonely as ever at my residence trying to write about my current love interest -SMOKING !!

Shocked, aren't you ??!!!

(i think i should let the shock feeling sink in for a few days, then i can get you to the place where love is in the air.. oops i mean smoke dances in the air surrounding me !)

One more week passed, our affair has already reached its peak of intensity. I want to kiss her as soon as i get out of bed every morning. Actually i betray my sleep to romance with her on most of the occasions.

home..dirty home !!

2009-05-28T09:23:00.000+05:30

Today is the day to show the world how dirty my (rented) house looks these days and the shocking thing is i am pretty ok with all the dirt and papers, polythin bags etc thrown away carelessly in my place !

The most used place here is obviously my bed as i lie there for at least 6 hours of my day in the company of daily newspapers in morning and novels at night. And this is the place where many greatly innovative ( and most of the times rebellious) thoughts keep bombarding on my mind !

the Sitting Room with no sitting arrangement !

Oh even from this angle nothing seems available in the room to rest one's behind on !

Kitchen looks richer than the hall, i've got traditional "matka" to be filled with water obtained from professional water purifying plant ! And the electric heater is not working, its connected just to show its presence and give one a better feel of kitchen !

dont bother about the garbage here, presently i m not cooking anything here !

Sunday again..

2009-05-10T12:06:00.000+05:30

its the same old sad story, even after so many years of having experienced the fact that change has to come from inside me and nobody' going to bother how i suck all day on a sunday, i still can't make up my mind to move on and forget the past.
So here i am, once again surfing aimlessly on the net while hoping that the clock move faster and its Monday again and i can engage in whatever useless (at least for me it is) work given by (so called) seniors and come back home with a relatively smaller task of spending evening alone !

addictions..old, new and proposed !!

2009-05-05T04:35:00.000+05:30

Well, this certainly is a risky subject to talk 'bout openly as it could possibly be misused ! Still being a (so-called) adventurous person, let me just declare my latest addictions. Now latest doesn't mean it all happened overnight ! Plenty of disturbances and a certain period of time is required to hook me onto something, believe me !

i started online share trading bout one and a half year ago in August 2007 with Zero knowledge about stock market. As i need to engage and focus my mind constantly on one thing and the office work was not that thing at all, the experiment turned into habit in just 6 months and after one year and loss of about 100,000 Rupees, i got into the chase of getting back the money i had lost ! Fact is i m not much interested in making money from the beginning, its the unpredictable and occasionaly wild fluctuations in share prices that hooked me ! Never mind the losses, just think of the thrilling time i had in between typing letters or preparing useless reports or just sitting idly on your favourite chair in the same corner of the cubicle !

Now comes the next addiction which surely has done a lot of damage to my physical and mental health. You can guess this one easily after reading my another blog in which i have posted an update about attempts of quitting the stick. Smoking started as a time pass adventure when i was too free and bored in the evening as usual. One of my room-mates was smoking and i suddenly had a whim to try it, and as i was far from my dominating parents to think of consequences of such terribly bad act, i did it ! And trust me i felt really bad, very bad, i always hated the smell of smoke and the taste was also as bad. At that moment, i felt like this is not the thing for me. In the beginning, i started with just one cigarrette and that too only in the evening when i was too lonely and had no idea what to do at that time of the day as no known activity seemed to work right to unwind myself.

Did you notice it ??

2009-05-01T10:06:00.000+05:30

in the short history of my blogging adventures, this is undoubtedly the most beautiful post ever, even if i am not able to write anything fresh or special about it !

About Frustration..excuse and ignore if you are in partying mood.

2009-04-29T22:17:00.000+05:30

Frustration is defined in Webster's Dictionary as:
“a deep chronic sense or condition of insecurity, discouragement, and dissatisfaction arising from thwarted desires, inner conflicts, or other unresolved problems.”
Frustration is spending 30 minutes on the phone with customer service (HA) regarding an issue with your cell phone....and receiving circular talk and NO remedy to the problem!
Frustration is talking to customer service (again, HA) of not just one, but 2 companies, and because your call has been transferred to India, having to constantly ask the individual to repeat themselves because you cannot understand them.... especially after finding out your friend's son has lost his job because the contract of the company Cincinnati Bell uses for Zoomtown IT support was not renewed~~ because CB has outsourced to the Philippines.Frustration is....
the poison ivy between my fingers...outsourcing and the growing unemployment rate...the ever changing price of petrol...the cost of our health insurance...dealing with self~absorbed, arrogant people...my list could go on and on, but I will stop my grumbling and griping,and I will remember what my mother used to tell me:If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.I guess that means this post should have been blank!

2009-04-22T21:52:00.000+05:30

there's no title to this post as i cudnt think anything except the worst expletives, by the way i dont know much of them which is another reason !! So the issue is that blogger has been blocked in the local network of my office for almost a week now and i m starting to loose sleep bout it. its not that i had many teriffic things to write and i was denied the access to my historical blog !! i cant digest what could be the purpose of such cheap act of stopping someone writing his diary. i never thought so but this incident has surely made my writing very special and in spite of being stolen the freedom to write in office hours i m loving this fame !

Anywhere but Home....

2009-04-09T17:17:00.000+05:30

Did you notice the date 24 feb 2009 in the picture above ? Dont worry if you didnt, even i did the same thing means focussing on the lady ! Anyway when i first saw it i just started thinking what she must be feeling at the moment. See, she seems in a cheerful mood and writing something, maybe a shopping list for what vegetables to buy for dinner tonight ! OK this may not seem to be a great thing to write about but you have to get real at some point after all.

dreaming in daylight..the mystery goes on..

2009-04-08T16:36:00.000+05:30

I have been thinking this for almost 3 years now that I need something new and fabulous in my life. So first of all my thoughts go to a new job, thats all my mind can think of due to the constant reminding by parents while raising me.

But then the question arises what if I dont get any improvement in my living with the new workplace or new people ? Not knowing the answer to that I just stop thinking about the job thing ! I know its time to move as I am about to finish 30 years of my life. Obviously, there are many other things and way of improving your living but things don't seem to be changing practically to allow me get out of the constrained state I am in , I keep telling myself that whatever status I am in is just temporary and there's a totally new world waiting for me.

The catch is that what if the situations I am facing today in daily life are real and its not going to change for ever ?

the picture just a deviation , no need to relate it to the writing above , so it says " ..TIME HAS BEEN INVENTED BY PEOPLE UNABLE TO LOVE. " Maybe this explains my nature of sticking to the clock all the time !

Small Talk !

2009-04-04T15:22:00.000+05:30

(Hailey, checking out baby doll newcomer)
I think I'm a Dog person , but I'm not sure yet..

Intrigued by the mysterious cat above ??

sitting in the middle of her window, every afternoon, without fail. I don't know for sure that it's every afternoon, but I like to think so. I like to think that this cat has a certain schedule. My expectation of the cat would be fulfilled that way. Cats should have their own (self-imposed) schedules, don't you think so? Dogs shouldn't.

Perhaps the cat waits there in anticipation of my arrival, even though it looks quite uninterested and unaffected when I finaly do arrive. But that's cats for you, never lose their cool.

With dogs, on the other hand, you know where you stand.

(introducing Ditto, the cuddly observer, hiding under the bench)

A brief history of Light !

2009-04-03T13:25:00.000+05:30

Excuse me people, i m now so addicted to blog that i have started stealing from others too...

Gen 1:1 In the beginning, when God created the universe,

Gen 1:2 the earth was formless and desolate. The raging ocean that covered everything was engulfed in total darkness, and the Spirit of God was moving over the water.

Gen 1:3 Then God commanded, "Let there be light"---and light appeared.

Gen 1:4 God was pleased with what he saw. Then he separated the light from the darkness,

Gen 1:5 and he named the light "Day" and the darkness "Night." Evening passed and morning came---that was the first day.
This is the first mention of light in the Bible. It's good, and it's separate from darkness. These meanings of the word light are used throughout the Bible, and it set me thinking. I'm supposed to be walking in the light, but I don't act like it. I'm supposed to be visible in the darkness, but I don't feel like it. However, there is... a spark, I suppose.I've always visualised my faith as a flame. Sometimes bright and sometimes flickering but always there. Right now, I'm hoping to burn brighter in the coming few weeks - living in the light.Prayers and encouragement would be so much appreciated!
Pro 13:9 The righteous are like a light shining brightly; the wicked are like a lamp flickering out.
Mat 5:14 "You are like light for the whole world. A city built on a hill cannot be hid.

Mat 5:15 No one lights a lamp and puts it under a bowl; instead it is put on the lampstand, where it gives light for everyone in the house.

Mat 5:16 In the same way your light must shine before people, so that they will see the good things you do and praise your Father in heaven.
Joh 1:4 The Word was the source of life, and this life brought light to people.

Joh 1:5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has never put it out.
Joh 3:19 This is how the judgment works: the light has come into the world, but people love the darkness rather than the light, because their deeds are evil.

Joh 3:20 Those who do evil things hate the light and will not come to the light, because they do not want their evil deeds to be shown up.

Joh 3:21 But those who do what is true come to the light in order that the light may show that what they did was in obedience to God.
Joh 8:12 Jesus spoke to the Pharisees again. "I am the light of the world," he said. "Whoever follows me will have the light of life and will never walk in darkness."
2Co 4:6 The God who said, "Out of darkness the light shall shine!" is the same God who made his light shine in our hearts, to bring us the knowledge of God's glory shining in the face of Christ.
1Th 5:5 All of you are people who belong to the light, who belong to the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness.

if you like this one..Thanks a lot, but if u dont then its not my original idea !!

2009-03-28T11:07:00.000+05:30

19 seems odd but cant help i just had to be different !
1. When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
My earliest memory is wanting to do some revolutionary or secret agent kind of stuff, and after growing up ( say in later teen years ) i wished to be an Astronaut. Its now turning out to be an achievable dream when we see that even women from India have made it to space and into news headlines too.
2. What have you done in the past week to help someone else?
Nothing that I can have written proof of but as it is obvious I do certain work in office hours and as it is not helping improve my day in any way, it must have done some good to others at least.
3. Who is the best-dressed person you know?
A lot of girls I encounter on my way out of home, just cant do injustice to the remaining by choosing one of them.
4. What is on your nightstand?
its on my bed itself as i dont have "nightstand" , things like books to be read, mobile, biscuits .
5. If you were a dog, what kind of dog would you be?
I would be a really fun, cuddly, cute and kiss-giving dog who can take his MASTER out !!
6. If you lived in a house surrounded by acres of trees, what particular type of tree would you want flourishing on your land?
I would love to be surrounded by a unique formation of trees so that I could see everything in my neighbours' homes but they dont catch a single glimpse of my activities !!
7. What do you find to be very overrated?
Bosses, i have always realized this sooner or later. Most of the times they don't even turn out to be a Boss !
8. How many email addresses do you have?
I would rather talk bout Female addresses but till date i ve been only dreaming for that pain !
9. Have you ever felt replaced?
hope prevails as of today but experience tells that people do know what trouble is and how to avoid it.
10. Would you rather watch football or baseball?
I would rather play anything than just watching...
11. What is the wallpaper on your phone?
its FREIDA PINTO's smiling face, and there's no hidden joke here.
12. Name a lyric from the song you're listening to?
Rehna tu, hai jaisa tu...thoda sa dard tu, thoda sukun ( listened yesterday so it came out )!!
13.What chocolate do you always leave in the box?
Chocolates have always been in the " LATER " list which is true even today !
14. What would you do if you found out your ex is engaged?
I'd try to accidently meet her from time to time to make her realise what she had that she didnt value !
15. Do words hurt you?
cant say bout words, but yeah sometimes some letters hurt so much that i wish he/she didnt go for using the whole word !
16. Are you a talker or a listener? Is it ever possible to really be both?
thats a tricky one i still have to find out which one is prominent inside me, talker or listener.
17. Have you ever walked on the city streets at night?
I tried but people get panic and i feel like i am some serial Killer out for hunting !
18. Who is your favorite professional athlete?
favourite professional is Shahrukh Khan and favourite atlete would be Me, naturally !
19. Which TV show have you seen pretty much every episode of?
Friends.

Resolutions 2009 !!

2009-01-09T18:13:00.000+05:30

the first one is to Quit Smoking completely. i was trying to update this blog and also checking out some websites for wallpapers and what i saw is a lot of pictures with men having a cigar in their mouth ! i dont think smoking has changed my life and relations much as i was just as lonely before.
there are others like gaining some weight, updating my skills ( dont know in which field by the way !) and above all try to be happy !

its already one and a half month into the year of 2009 and life is exactly the same as was about 2 years ago. i havent started anything new at all, resolutions are on paper only, mostly because people around me have been busy directing my thoughts and energies to their benefit. as always when i sit back and relax to think what i did the whole day that was exclusively in my interest, the answer is NOthing at all, i was just used by people to fulfill their wishes.

2008-11-27T15:38:00.000+05:30

Smoking Update..............Thursday, November 26,2008. 15:35 hrs IST

So i hv failed to stop smoking completely !

As is obvious from the above updates that the attempt is on for last 5 to 6 months and still m smoking at least 5 cigarrettes per day, not minding the coughing and the constant feeling of illness !

Smoking Update..............Sunday, February 15,2009. 15:15 hrs IST

So its not happened yet, even after having made a resolution to quit at the beginning of this year. i think its going to be really tough after one year of the bad habit. Still i m positive to quit as soon as i find something that can divert and concentrate my attention and thoughts. In fact my mind has been totally blank these days that i ve stopped planning even for tomorrow , leave about distant future and maybe thats why i can quit which i thought would be very easy for me.

The Anti Tobacco Day !

2008-05-31T11:56:00.000+05:30

i always knew i will be able to leave smoking anytime i wish to, but now it seems a little tough given the lack of inspiration as to what purpose and benfit i will be serving by leaving it !
so for the time being lets forget bout NO SMOkINnG and sing...........

har fikra ko dhuen me udata chala gaya ...........

Smoking Update....................Sunday, July 21,2008. 13:00 hrs IST
Now that i realize that its almost one year into this smoke thing, i decided to give a try to leave it ! But as of today, after having many attempts in the past several days, i m almost where i started and the conclusion is that unless i have peace of mind in my daily life, its not going to stop soon.

Smoking Update..............Thursday, August 14,2008. 13:15 hrs IST
So finally i got it, the long awaited hospitalization !
OK i escaped being admitted but effectively i have been in bed for last 15 days, so it proves that Smoking is not so funny..at least more than 10 cigarrettes per day is certainly beyond my capacity. Only good thing about this situation is that i have not had a single cigarrette for 11 days now so the one year affair with the cigarrette seems to be over finally !

Smoking Update..............Saturday, August 23,2008. 17:45 hrs IST

And now its been 25 days of NO SmOkiNg and luckily i dont feel like missing anything now !!!

Smoking Update..............Saturday, August 30,2008. 17:15 hrs IST

Sorry to declare but fact is i have taken about 6 cigarrettes in last week just after i started to get better from the illness !!

lets see how long i can keep my promise to leave totally !

Smoking Update..............Friday, September 5,2008. 15:15 hrs IST

Sadly its been a habit now to have at least one cigarrette every day, i ruined all the efforts i had made to leave completely over a month.

one year into online chatting...

2008-05-29T13:18:00.000+05:30

i know i was too late to enter the Online world but anyway i m here thanks to the posting i was given in administrative wing.

Being totally introvert for all the years , it was never going to be easy to find net buddies, and so the social networking sites, cant mention its name for copyright issues, proved to be a great help. Although most people connected to me through the network were colleagues or college mates, at least they did lessen the feeling of some attachment to the outside world ! Even as i managed get some strangers to talk to, i could never hope to have a closer relation as all of them were in far away cities or even countries. I wonder about not having net friends in my city since the day one and through all these months.

sorry to declare that this post has to be abandoned, maybe temporily, for i cant figure out how to write without mentioning particulars of persons involed !
So the millions of my avid readers will have to wait till i sort my thoughts out !

tara RUM pam pam

2008-05-27T16:47:00.000+05:30

Evening began with the usual boredom and frustrating thoughts as it has been for the last 10 years or more of my so-called Life. But it was a little different this time as i had something very new, almost rebelious thing to do - tasting Alcohol for the first time ! it could have been very tense but after the smoking got sanction quite easily, it was a cakewalk.

i bet if it wasnt the excitement of First time, i will never go 15 kms on scooter in the crowded city of ahmedabad, that too in the peak traffic hours. But its me Paresh, the down to earth guy who mixes up with seniors and juniors alike, who is least interested in alchohol but for the novelty thing. as expected i had nothing to do except dine and drink at a subordinate employee's party and cursing myself to come to such place just out of boredom.

thats more than enough for the beginning to describe the evening i took just ONE peg of Rum mixed in thumbs up. as they say i wanted to Taste the Thunder, but got nothing much except a little kick lasting about one hour. So thats it, i did it, wish i could have let go my thoughts of precaution being a first-timer and went for as much as my stomach permits !

frustration is good sometimes !

2008-05-24T11:01:00.000+05:30

so once again, i m into the depressive mood which by the way always keeps threatning to take me over any moment. so the millions of fans of this blog will have to wait till the period of unexplainable grief is over.

its the end of day now, and i am getting engaged thinking bout what to do on sunday all alone.

कोई आईडिया नही आता, तो गाना गाओ....

2008-05-19T12:00:00.000+05:30

रास्ता बोला,
अरे सुन थक जाएगा,
बीच मे रुक जाएगा,
अभी रुक जा......

मै तो दीवाना, बोला आ जाना,
दोनों संगमे चलेंगे...

आ भी जा, तू आना रे......

how to pass time on a sunday....

2008-05-18T11:13:00.000+05:30

first of all try to get out of the bed as late as possible which seems quite easy for those who have to work hard on the weekdays but not at all for me !

so i kept it in the bed after losing sleep at about 7 am, kept dreaming about having sex with some stranger which i ve never seen or known before ! that was good enough to keep me lying for hours but as we all know the indian summer, the hormone period finished soon and i got out of bed in half hour looking for a Cigarrette.

now after having teeth brushed, breakfast and bath, i sit thinking what m i supposted to do today, thanks to the newly adopted " Never Plan Anything " policy.

so i end up reading Five Point Someone reading for bout 4 to 5 hours till the evening, it made me go back to memories of my engineering college days although nothing written there was part of my life i had a weird feeling of attachment.

On the World Telecom Day

2008-05-17T17:42:00.000+05:30

i ve to confess that even after getting a degree in Electronics and Communications, i dont have much affection for the world of communications. i mean i am not much passionate about the technical world of communications !

Epilogue :
It is July 29,2009.
I have been shuttling back and forth between my residence and office since October 2006 till this evening as i am trying to convert this post into a soul searching exercise ! There's something about Paresh that i have been struggling to comprehend for last few years. This is the age when the latest mobile handset is termed as outdated in just six months and here is a man who thinks and acts the same way as he was doing ten years back ! I just remember a day from year 1997 when i was standing at the window of my home just observing passers-by, especially a sweet looking girl enjoying a walk with her dog. Many calenders have been torn and used as wallpapers in the middle-class homes of india after that incidence and yet i get the same feeling when i see someone having the pleasure of a walk with his/her dog.
Moral of the story : Every dog has his day but some steal others' days and stay in limelight forever !

another day goes off in office ........

2008-05-16T17:53:00.000+05:30

so here i m writing at the end of duty hours, thinking bout the evening ahead and at the same time also about the day that passed typing letters, getting 'em faxed, tallying numbers with the Accounts records and the little chats in between with friends without which it seemed like a never ending day !
its been 2 hours that i smoked the last cigarrette ! so i guess its better to go out and hv a cigarrette and tea , apology to millions of readers of this blog ( !!!!!)

2008-05-05T15:42:00.000+05:30

मैं जहाँ रहू,

मैं कहीं भी रहू,

तेरी याद साथ है........